Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
