Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
