he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
