i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
