I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
