Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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