1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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