I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize