Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
