we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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