I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
