Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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