Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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