Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
