Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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