They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
