Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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