Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
