i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
