Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
