I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
