ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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