I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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