I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
