addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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