I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
