My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sarcasm needs its own font
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
