so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
