you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
