just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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