No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
