I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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