So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
