I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
