i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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