So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
