I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
