I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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