I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
