Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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