did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
