My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
