i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
