maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
