just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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