That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
