he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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