I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
