The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
