it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
