is your mom at the bar?
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
