Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
