anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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