Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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