He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
