I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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