The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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