Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
