strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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