Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
