When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
