My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hippo gnu deer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
