My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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