yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
