i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My brain says no but my pants say off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
