You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
