Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
