What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
