hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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