he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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