Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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