Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
