I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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