Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
