I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
