Swine flu. Run for my life!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
