she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
