He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Screwed.edu
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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