I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
