I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
