Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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