I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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