i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
