He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
