I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We have so much sex to catch up on
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
