i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
