Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
