My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He shit in the fireplace
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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