Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
