I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
