no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
