I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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