i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
